Freedom from self

A mind full of ideas and preconceived notions about god can never experience divinity. The mind limits itself to the confines of what it thinks it knows. And thus begins the endless cycle of creation, second hand creation of images and rituals and beliefs based on the content of the mind. And it is all this that constitutes the self. And we make it stronger and cling to this identity as if our existence depended on it. Do you see how ridiculous all this is?
Freedom is freedom from ideas and concepts. Freedom is to be able to breathe without thinking about how to do it. Freedom is to be able to laugh heartily when one feels like and to love generously without inhibition. Freedom is the reclamation of innocence.

Be free, of all things, of the suffering self, and live.

Love,
Sanjay.

The Story of My True, Almost Unreal Experiments With Truth (and other delusions)

My spiritual journey began relatively early in life. At the age of 9, I was already curious about God, thanks to my missionary education. Jesus and plain simple Christianity was a good starting point.

As I grew older, my interest in all things material and spiritual (from sex to samadhi, as Osho put it), spiked. Being a voracious reader, by the age of 15 I had pretty much digested the entire spectrum of religious mythology from Hinduism and Buddhism to Graeko-Roman Myths.

The result was a tiny head full of ideas, including very imaginative concepts ranging from physical immortality to levitation and psycho-kinesis.

My early youth from age 17 to 25 years or so was a confusing period. I had many experiences, from sex, drugs and rock n roll to far out experiences of "satori" or spontaneous illumination. My life was a flurry moving like a rapid technicolor reel.

At the age of 23, I lost my hearing for a week due to overexposure to loud sound. That pretty much put an end to my blossoming career prospect as Rock Star. My hearing returned gradually, but I was diagnosed with "tinnitus" a disease which modern medicine is clueless about. The symptoms incluse a high-pitched extremely disturbing siren that keeps ringing in the ears even when there is no external stimulus. The attendant problems are very low noise tolerance thresholds, extreme irritability, inability to ever again experience the beauty of silence, and worst of all insomnia.

Coming as I did from a classical dysfunctional family, I had little ot no emotional support from my parents. Add to that the misery of growing up with a father who was Obsessive-Compulsive and extremely violent. In short, life was hell. And thus began my pursuit of heaven.

My pursuit of heaven was marked by extensive far reaching forays into various meditative disciplines and practices. I have had a wide range of meditative experiences, from the sublime to the terrifying. These were interesting and stressful.

I have been formally initiated into at least 5 spiritual disciplines and have informally had love affairs with several others. I explored sufism, tibetan buddhism, hinduism, vedanta, bhakti marga, zen, taoism, esoteric christianity, tantra, yoga marga.

My intense involvement with these paths kept me from going insane from the pressure of managing my job as a teacher, dysfunctional relationships, chronic health issues (anxiety disorder, irritable bowel syndrome & tinnitus) and other evils. Needless to say, I lost many friends along the way, suffered countless personal and financial losses and ended up disillusioned with "everything".

Now I've entered my 40's. What's changed? Well, on the surface, nothing. Except the few things that have - reconciliation with my brother, a mature and caring wife, my career change from teaching English to helping people live stress- free lives (surely i'm uniquely qualified to help people with stress related issues as I've experienced the entire gamut of stress related problems myself and have lived through it all to tell the tale).

The time is now ripe for me to share my realizations:

1) parenting is not for idiots and insensitive folk. It requires great skill and intelligence.

2) meditation is an activity that can divert your attention from things that are sources of problems. Meditation does not solve problems. It can however help one cope with problems and live through the most challenging situations by activating brain centres that can render considerable support in times of crisis.

3) no god or guru can take your pain. It's yours to suffer and sort out.

4) loving relationships are more important than material possessions.

5) when all else fails, surrender, simply breathe, watch the breath with ease and allow it to gradually deepen and relax.

God bless,

Sanjay.

Kumbhaka & Raja Yoga

Kumbhaka ordinarily means "breath retention". However, one must remember that yoga is not mere physical exercise. It is a metaphysical action that restores to the yogi the state of one - ness. Shiva is the masculine or active force. Shakti the feminine or passive force. In the context of breath, Shiva is inhalation, the positively charged breath that energises and Shakti is exhalation, the negatively charged breath that relaxes. The middle, the space where the inhalation and exhalation meet is kumbhaka,  the union of Shiva and Shakti. When the yogi consciously raises the inhalation to the third eye with the mystical mantra of Shiva-Shakti, holds it in that space and releases it,  he is a Raja Yogi. This is the essence of Raja Yoga.

On falling in love

Why is falling in love the most beautiful feeling? Because it is a series of moments that are full of potential, possibilities. A lover looks at life in frames, much like a photographer or film maker does. He strains, effortlessly, every moment, to experience to the fullest the most beautiful essence of the present. There is a sense of shared delight, a sense of oneness with existence through the beloved, because the beloved is more than "just another person". The beloved is a symbol. And it is in this respect that the beloved assumes the qualities of eternity and infinity. In the shade of her hair is the choicest perfume that all the jasmine trees in the world cannot offer. In the sweetness of her kiss is the tenderness that never before was. The experiencer creates, or more appropriately, co-creates his reality with the beloved and all that is available to him at the moment within the frame of his experience. To drink the essence of the moment is indeed the essence of love. The proof is that when a love affair ends, there is even in the ending a sweetness. The ending is to the lover not a full stop, but rather a full stop magnified as it were, infinitely, till it assumes the proportions of an endless, bottomless pit of intense emotion into which one falls, and keeps falling. It is, in a sense, death - the drowning of the self in the ocean of emotion. Therefore, to die to the self, is to love.